The Galactic Gary Springboard Show
by Livi2Jack
Summary: Jack and Daniel discover that Talk shows are all the same...around the Galaxy. Stargate Barbie gets hers. Humor. Please Review.


The Galactic Gary Springboard Show  
by livi2jack

Summary: Talk shows are the same all over the galaxy.

Rating: **Mature –not exactly Gen**

Category: Humor

Season: SG-1 Season Seven

Related SG-1 Episode(s): Hathor, Forever In A Day, Divide and Conquer, Frozen, Abyss

Featured Character(s): Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, Tealc, Anise/Freya

Author Notes: **_Not _**for pre-teens.

Challenge to use a word or phrase of the week

Feedback is Requested.

For the ATST Challenges to use a word or phrase:

# 41: "Jack nearly choked on his beer at Daniel's reply."

# 42: "delicious surprise."

Feedback is Requested.

**DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1" and "Stargate Atlantis," and their characters are the property of Sony-MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.**

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IN ….Five, four, three, two It's the Galactic Gary Springboard Show!

**_APPLAUSE_**

Today's topic is a delicious surprise: Aliens who inhabit humans and the humans who love them.

"Good Afternoon, from GNN-the Galactic News Network, we bring you the latest in issues which face the galaxy and put a face on them. Today on 'Springboard,' we have here in the studio and via remote link up three odd couples. Odd you say? Give a big Springboard Welcome to Aliens who inhabit Humans and the Humans who love them!"

_**APPLAUSE**_

"Let me introduce now our first odd couple. It's a twisted tale of love, hate, conquest, and revenge. But in the end, do they really love each other? Let's find out. Good afternoon, Anise and Freya. Can you tell us how an inter-species lesbian arrangement compliments your blending?"

Crowd Erupts! Stomping and Clapping

"Settle down, settle down. Let' them talk."

_Crowd simmers down_

"Well Gary, as you might have heard, the Tok'ra are a voluntary blending of two beings. One human and one Tok'ra symbiote join for life. The human benefits with an extended lifespan and the wealth of knowledge the longer lived-species grants. We don't take hosts we blend with them."

_**APPLAUSE**_

"Yes, but what does that mean for the host? I assume I'm talking to the Tok'ra."

"It means just what I said." Anise glared at him.

"Yes, well let me talk to Freya."

_Anise dips her head_

"It's like she describes except I only get to use my body part-time. Oh I'm in here looking out, but I can't always control myself. It can get embarrassing. Anise is such an animal sometimes," Freya smirked. "And she is the dominant personality."

"And you like to be dominated?"

"You'd have to ask Anise," replied Freya. _head nod_

"Fine, Anise as a Tok'ra you can completely dominate and control Freya, is that right?"

"For a human you are particularly repetitive. We care for each other in a special way a non-blended human couldn't possibly understand." Anise sighed, "the blending can be most pleasant for both parties."

"And speaking of pleasure parties, isn't it true that internally you two 'get it together' all the time?"

"Impudent! It is a privilege to host a noble and ancient Tok'ra!"

"So let me get this straight, when you get it together externally, it's really a foursome?"

_Crowd murmurs in agitation._

"Well, the dominant symbiote loves both the other symbiote and its host. But sometimes, the other host or its symbiote doesn't love back. Then it's a threesome. Of course, sometimes it's a cross-species thing where the symbiote and the other's host enable the encounter most enjoyably. Then we have observers who can join in or not as they please."

"Right and it's all about pleasing. I get it. Doesn't it get a little crowded?"

_Hoots of laughter._

"I fail to understand the humor. Impertinent!"

"Can I ask Freya a question, Anise?" _head dip_

"Certainly, you must forgive my symbiote, Anise, she is… passionate."

"I should hope so for your sake! So what do you do, if say, you like someone and Anise doesn't?"

"Actually that happened once. I was attracted to Colonel Jack O'Neill of SG-1 but Anise was attracted to his friend, Dr. Daniel Jackson. In that case, I insisted."

"But Anise is dominant, was she ok with that?"

"Unfortunately, Humans on Earth have many more inhibitions than those from my home planet. So we couldn't have both. Well we could have had both but they would never agree to it." Freya looked uncomfortable and added, "Anise would have had to suffer."

"They couldn't take turns?" Springboard mugged a smirk at the audience.

_audience giggles back_

"Oh no, with them it's one or the other only," sighed Freya. "And I think Colonel O'Neill…Jack…was loyal to someone else entirely."

"Another Tok'ra pair?"

"No, well, Major Carter had been a host but at that time wasn't anymore. But Anise and I would have enjoyed her company, too."

"I thought you two ladies only wanted females."

"Anise isn't necessarily a lady, Gary. Well, it gets complicated. Symbiotes aren't really either sex."

"Hermaphrodite sex? How does that work?" _head dip_

"No, not hermaphrodite," answered Anise imperiously. "Only the queen symbiotes can reproduce with a drone. The rest of us are asexual. We tend to conform to the current sex of the host and continuously take the same sex as hosts. That's why I was careful to take Freya."

"So you 'took' Freya how? And how many were 'observing,'…" Gary Springboard sneered, mugging for the audience? "Were these two human men helping? Or just watching? And where was the female ex-host, Major Carter, in all this? Did she enjoy Freya too?"

_guffaws and peals of laughter_

"Silence! You deliberately misunderstand," Anise became incensed.

"So I count five so far. Or would that be seven. This Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson were hosts too? What about their symbiotes? How many usually participate in these orgies?"

"They're NOT orgies! Let me explain. At that time Colonel O'Neill wasn't a host yet. A symbiote had tried to blend with him some time before but it didn't work out…."

"Why not? He didn't have his choice of Tok'ra symbiote?"

"No, it was a Goa'uld, actually. O'Neill's symbiote crawled out before blending because O'Neill was too cold."

"I see and you like cold men." titters "But you say later, he was a host. Did the four of you or five of you or, forgive me, it was seven of you get it together then?" (Springboard throws his hands out with a big shrug at the audience)

"No, oh well briefly just four of us. Freya and I enjoyed O'Neill and his symbiote Kanan. But we aren't supposed to tell." Anise smiled knowingly. _head nod_

"Oh no, Anise, we weren't supposed to tell," Freya objected. _head nod_

"We just did and so what?" Anise sniffed.

"Well where was Dr. Jackson and his symbiote?" _head nod_

"Dr. Jackson never had a symbiote, Gary," answered Freya. "His wife, Sha're, did for a while but she's dead."

"So what you are saying is that there are another TWO people involved? Is there no limit to your rapacious need for sex?"

_angry murmurs from the crowd_

"We NEVER had sex with Dr. Jackson, his wife or her symbiote," replied Freya. "What? Oh, wait a moment," she paused. "Anise says she did have sex with Dr. Jackson's wife and her symbiote before she was with me. Sorry, I misspoke."

"So Dr. Jackson's wife died because you killed her in a jealous rage?"

"Oh NO! I would never," Freya was appalled. "She was shot dead by Dr. Jackson's Jaffa friend, Teal'c."

"And HE was the one she betrayed with Anise and some other host, thereby killing her for revenge."

"No, no, you're twisting this."

"Dr. Jackson's friend, the Jaffa, was just exacting revenge for his friend then?" Gary Springboard turned to the crowd, "And we all know how Jaffa love to take revenge!"

_**Applause**_

"No! Teal'c did it because Dr. Jackson's wife was trying to kill Dr. Jackson with a hand ribbon device. If Teal'c hadn't acted, Dr. Jackson would have died right then and there."

"She was trying to cover up her own guilt; so she pre-empted his revenge-motivated attack. Very clever, but then she was hosting a Goa'uld. They are tough, folks, really tough aliens."

"No, Sha're, Dr. Jackson's wife was NOT trying to kill him. Her symbiote Amonet was using the device to kill him."

"I see. Amonet did it to cover her tracks with Anise and Colonel O'Neill."

"No, Amonet never had relations with Colonel O'Neill. He was Dr. Jackson's friend and would never share Sha're, his friend's wife."

"Hmm, I'm trying to unravel this. Dr. Jackson and Colonel O'Neill had a tryst on the side. Dr. Jackson refused to share his wife with his friend; so her symbiote tried to kill him out of frustration? But Colonel O'Neill's Jaffa friend took revenge. It's clear now." Gary Springboard egged on the crowd, "Have you ever heard such a tangled web of lies, deceit, and murder?"

**NO!** _(the crowd shouted)_

"GET OUT! OUT! GET OUT!" _chanted the crowd._

At which point, the a few in the crowd rose up and chased Anise/Freya out of the building, while the cameras recorded the whole thing.

"That ought to spike the ratings," Springboard said to his director, who just nodded and cued the next couple.

Off-world in a bar, O'Neill and Daniel were relaxing having a beer. Someone turned off the program while the patrons were all shaking their heads at the broadcast.

"Can you believe that perverted pair," asked one patron of Daniel?

"Well, actually, I can." Daniel turned to Jack saying sotto voce (under his breath), "Jack, when you wouldn't, you know, do the deed with Freya, Anise and I got together in my quarters. Anise really is an animal."

Jack nearly choked on his beer when he heard Daniel's reply.


End file.
